Lest we forget . . . .

[BadBeast]

As today is almost exactly 20years, 9 months, and 3 weeks since the tragic death of Robert Maxwell, I thought it would be fitting to chase down some of the wonderfully touching and heartfelt tributes paid to him by those who knew him after his funeral.

"We didn't meet often. But on each occasion, he left me reeling from his charm, his amazing panache, and the sheer speed at which his brain worked"
-Anne Robinson, Daily Mirror-

"He scaled the heights, Kings and Barons besieged his doorstep"
-President Chaim Herzog, of Israel-

"The children of Chernobyl paid their own special tribute to Robert Maxwell at his funeral yesterday. Fifty of them - some close to tears, filed past solemnly past the family of the man they believe saved their lives"
-Daily Mirror-

"He just enriched my life. He was my inspiration and my hero"
-Anne Robinson-

"Many who started off disliking him ended up captured by his kindness"
-Joe Haines Daily Mirror-

"Mr Maxwell was not a man, but an Empire in his power,thought, and deeds. I can't believe that even the sea could overcome him"
-Shimon Perez-

"I think he had more physical and moral courage than anyone I have ever met" -Peter Jay Today-

"He was different from others and he allowed others to be different from him. In those waters he lost his breath, but not his soul. It will float above the waves as a marker to those who believe that a man can be bigger than the cards he was dealt. Here on the Mount of Olives, eternity will absorb one of it's greatest sons. He deserves not only freedom, but rest"
-Shimon Peres-

"The publisher's final resting place is high on the hillside - - -It was from the Mount of Olives that Jesus ascended into Heaven after his resurrection"
-The People-

"He was a liar, a cheat, and a bully" -The Independent-

[BadBeast]

Then, a few short weeks later, the whole "Where's the Mirror Group Pension Fund gone Bob?" scandal broke. And while some folks did a hasty lot of backpedalling on all the nice things they'd said about this bloated behemoth of a man, The brave Daily Mirror published some of the findings of it's own enquiry.

Investigation staff, Richard Stoat, Charles Weasel, Joe Shames.

MAXWELL VERY FAT

After months of painstaking, no holds
barred investigation, Mirror newsmen
have pieced together the amazing truth
behind Robert Maxwell.

HE WAS INCREDIBLY FAT

HE PAID US A LOT OF MONEY

HE IS DEAD

THIS MEANS WE CAN ALL SAY HOW FAT HE WAS

These revelations must change forever the world's view of the man the world knew as Captain Bob

We admit it-- We were duped
Like millions of others, we thought Maxwell was really thin. After all, he told us HIMSELF.
Often he would ring us up in the night, and say "I'm thin, aren't I?"
And we'd all say "Gosh Sir, ---you're the thinnest man on Earth."

But now the full terrifying truth has come out, thanks to
the fearless investigation by the brave Mirror team, we now
know that we were hoodwinked.

Who knows what astonishing facts we'll print about Maxwell tomorrow?

Order your copy of "The Sun" TODAY.. . . .

(Private Eye)

[Deleted]

I ummm damn.... I'm supposed to be laughing right?

[BadBeast]

Aug 23, 2012 7:52:11 GMT -5 @khara said:

I ummm damn.... I'm supposed to be laughing right?

Not if your pension was part of the missing £440 million, obviously. But the lulz are there, especially seeing as how he had everybody from World leaders, to Merchant Bankers running around going "Yes Mr Maxwell, no Mr Maxwell, that's a brilliant idea Mr Maxwell" *shluuurp* for 50 years.

Imagine Rupert Murdoch, with the Business acumen of Rumplestiltskin, and the morality of Josef Stalin. And the sticky fingers of Bernie Madoff. Mossad are pretty much the favourites here. He was whisked away before any chance of an autopsy, and interred right up by where Jesus was Raptured.

He was given a quick once over by a passing Spanish Doctor, and he was 6 feet under before you could say . . . . . "Fiddler in the Ground". Quite clever, because that's the least likely six feet of ground in the world that he's EVER going to get exhumed from.

He was an absolute fucking Tyrant to work for, tight as arseholes, and if anyone printed so much as one disparaging word about him, he would litigate you, your Company, It's parent company, your family, up to the 7th generation, into dust, and still have enough vitriol left to donkey punch random sub-editors the next morning.

The satirical magazine Private Eye lampooned him as "Cap'n Bob" and the "bouncing Czech", the latter nickname having originally been devised by Prime Minister Harold Wilson (under whom Maxwell was an MP). Maxwell took out several libel actions against Private Eye, one resulting in the magazine losing an estimated £225,000.

Just before his death, Mossad gave him the CIA's cut from the "Northgate" Iran Arms deal, so he could go and pay them. Unfortunately, he "lost" the money.

When the CIA said "Ahem, er, Mr Maxwell, um, do you have our money please, Sir?" He just told them "Sorry boys, but I've spent it. Now, fuck off".

When pressed, Maxwell threatened to expose them all for the Iran/Contra thing, Arms deals with the Ayatollahs, That Security Software deal, that was a Mossad Trojan, Bush Senior's role in the October Sunrise debacle, encycl.opentopia.com/term/October_surprise_conspiracy and a staggering bunch of other shit.


Naturally enough, this gave lots of folks cause for concern. And embarrassed Mossad (whose Books he was on) no end. But Capn Bob was notable only for the lack of fucks he gave about all this.



"BRING IT ON, BITCHES! I'M HARDER THAN FUCKING BATMAN"


At around the same time, former Mossad officer, Ari Ben-Menashe approached a number of news organisations in Britain and the United States with the allegation that Maxwell and the Mirror's foreign editor, Nick Davies, were both long-time agents for the Israeli intelligence service, Mossad.

He also claimed that in 1986 Maxwell had told the Israeli Embassy in London that Mordechai Vanunu had given information about Israel's nuclear capability to the Sunday Times, then to the Daily Mirror. Vanunu was subsequently lured from London to Rome by Mossad, where he was kidnapped and smuggled to Israel, convicted of treason and imprisoned for 18 years.

Maxwell called the claims "ludicrous titwankery & a total invention," then promptly sacked Nick Davies.

He also had extensive links with many Eastern European totalitarian regimes, going back to WWII. Most of his family died in Auschwitz, (After Hungary was occupied in 1944, by its former ally Nazi Germany) but "Slippery Jan" escaped to France. He joined the Czech army in exile in May 1940.

In January 1945, he received the Military Cross from Field Marshal Montgomery. It was during this time that British Intelligence changed his name several times, finally settling on Ian Robert Maxwell. (His real name was Ján Ludvík Hyman Binyamin Hoch)

After the war, Maxwell worked as a newspaper censor for the British military command in Berlin in Allied-occupied Germany.

Nobody seemed too surprised, when On 5 November 1991, at the age of 68, Maxwell apparently fell overboard from his luxury yacht, the Lady Ghislaine, which was cruising off the Canary Islands, and his body was subsequently found floating in the Atlantic Ocean. He was hurriedly interred on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem. The official ruling was death by accidental drowning.

5 days later, his Funeral at Temple Hill in Jerusalem, (They must have had the hole dug before he was even dry) had at least six serving and former heads of Mossad.

Israel's PM, Yitzhak Shamir read his eulogy, saying " Robert Maxwell has done more for Israel, than can today be said"

(Maxwell smuggled Aircraft parts into Israel, giving them the Air supremacy that swung the 1948 War of Independence for them)

Brit PM John Major, said Maxwell had given him "valuable insights" into the situation in the Soviet Union during the attempted military coup. He was a "great character", Major added.


It turned out that just before his tragic death, Maxwell was also being investigated for War crimes, dating to 1945, when he blatantly, and in broad daylight, in front of witnesses, shot and killed the civilian Mayor of a German town his unit were attempting to capture, then allegedly bellowing "I'm a fucking Werewolf" to the horrified Townsfolk.


I'm surprised he survived as long as he did, really. It must have been a toss up between slotting him, or just making him King of the fucking World.



Allegedly did some work for charity too. (needs citation)

(I Had to say something positive about the fat bastard, no-one can accuse me of negative bias)