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Post by StormInateacup on May 4, 2012 12:38:26 GMT -5
Oh yeah. I have re-released my inner slapper since my ex husband departed. Beastie made me see that it is not too late for me to begin being properly slutty.
**thinks** He may just have had some ulterior motives in that.
But I must say she's a lot more fun to hang out with than the faithful wife ever was.
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Post by philipkduck on May 4, 2012 12:56:38 GMT -5
I think you dropped this: yew In the UK we are plagued by false qualifications from bogus academic establishments. The British Masturbation Academy is the only fully-accredited body offering everything from a diploma to a master's degrees in wanking. (No link from me you perverts. Google it yourselves.)
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2012 13:01:39 GMT -5
I need to make me some proper friends and get out and do stuff. Because the online dating thing just ain't working for me.
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Post by philipkduck on May 4, 2012 13:08:46 GMT -5
When I were t' lad we worked down t' pit for 8 hours after school and then did our homework and then we pushed giant lead marbles up t' hill t' Hovis factory with our noses. Kids are fookin' soft today. Bring back hangin'! School ? We never 'ad school when I were a lad. We worked down t'pit while we were still foetuses. At weekends we 'ad a break. That's when we 'ad ter pull ten wagons o' coal down to London on us knees to keep them southern softies warm. Ee, but that Hovis were grand bread weren't it? I used to carry me three crippled sisters ten mils overt 'moors to Cleggydyke Bottom so that we could press us noses against 'tbaker's window and feast us eyes on a Hovis loaf.
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Post by bigwillybear on May 4, 2012 13:28:05 GMT -5
When I were t' lad we worked down t' pit for 8 hours after school and then did our homework and then we pushed giant lead marbles up t' hill t' Hovis factory with our noses. Kids are fookin' soft today. Bring back hangin'! School ? We never 'ad school when I were a lad. We worked down t'pit while we were still foetuses. At weekends we 'ad a break. That's when we 'ad ter pull ten wagons o' coal down to London on us knees to keep them southern softies warm. Ee, but that Hovis were grand bread weren't it? I used to carry me three crippled sisters ten mils overt 'moors to Cleggydyke Bottom so that we could press us noses against 'tbaker's window and feast us eyes on a Hovis loaf. Fuckin' aristocrat!
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Post by dawnkeyfromuranus on May 4, 2012 13:32:11 GMT -5
I called the police to report an abduction and when they wanted me to spell my middle name I wasn't sure how to spell it. I had to look at my Driver's License.
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Post by StormInateacup on May 4, 2012 13:39:03 GMT -5
School ? We never 'ad school when I were a lad. We worked down t'pit while we were still foetuses. At weekends we 'ad a break. That's when we 'ad ter pull ten wagons o' coal down to London on us knees to keep them southern softies warm. Ee, but that Hovis were grand bread weren't it? I used to carry me three crippled sisters ten mils overt 'moors to Cleggydyke Bottom so that we could press us noses against 'tbaker's window and feast us eyes on a Hovis loaf. Fuckin' aristocrat! We had to herd kangaroos. Have you ever tried to herd a kangaroo? The fuckers can't only leap tall buildings (well as it's Australia, they can leap quite substantial lean to's - as we all know bricks and mortar have yet to arrive on these far backward shores.) but they got a right hook on 'em makes Mike Tyson look like a bitvch slapper. We got paid in witchety grubs. Not money at all. We don't have money here. Still on the barter system, innit? We ate them raw, as in the desert - and well know Australia is entirely composed of desert - there are no trees to make firewood...though you can in summer months toast them simply by dragging their wriggly forms across a pebble that's been in full sun an hour or more. There wasn't no schools to go to - why would there be? Australians don't read - fuxake - that's for poofters like the English. I couldn't afford sisters. Twice a year the St Vincent De Koala Convent had a "Pretend You're Spending 20 Minutes With a Distant Cousin Day" where Billy tea and damper were brought past us on a wheelbarrow, so we could sniff it. Fucking privileged colonial overlords you lot were.
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Post by StormInateacup on May 4, 2012 13:41:33 GMT -5
I need to make me some proper friends and get out and do stuff. Because the online dating thing just ain't working for me. And yes you do. It's just a matter of getting up the courage to go out there. I've not come home without at least a half way decent offer in over two years. Even at our age sweety - It's still so easy to pull when you're a woman, it really is. I got my last date at work - being a rude cow to my boss in front of one of his business buddies made an impression!! LMAO
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Post by StormInateacup on May 4, 2012 13:51:20 GMT -5
Oh I've thought of another one: I was about 15 and at yet another illicit licensed venue. The Liverpool Golf Club. This one had a DJ between live sets and I decided to show my street chic by requesting he play Hanging On the Telephone (which is my ringtone btw on my mobile) and so up I go to the stage, using the steps at the side of it to ascend. I lean over and flutter me eyelids at him - we chat for a while about Blondie and the New York Dolls and Iggy Pop - he's well impressed - even gives me his new can of Voddy and Passion Pop - and I sashay off in me high heels and black leather mini, calling back over my shoulder to him saying "I'll buy you one when this band start up again"...and step nonchalatly off the stage onto the top step - Only the fucker weren't there anymore was it? It was a modular thing and the fucken roadies have only placed it at the other side so they can access the foldback for set up. Cunts. I spread me length on the fucking floor in front of the pit. Every bastard in the place is pissing themselves at me. My skirt's up round me neck, my drink's all down me sequined top. I broke the stiletto on me left shoe! I must have been hurt because the next day I was bruised all over but I never felt a bloody thing and I also never stood up so fucking quick in all my life!
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Post by StormInateacup on May 4, 2012 13:51:52 GMT -5
I called the police to report an abduction and when they wanted me to spell my middle name I wasn't sure how to spell it. I had to look at my Driver's License.
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2012 14:37:42 GMT -5
I need to make me some proper friends and get out and do stuff. Because the online dating thing just ain't working for me. And yes you do. It's just a matter of getting up the courage to go out there. I've not come home without at least a half way decent offer in over two years. Even at our age sweety - It's still so easy to pull when you're a woman, it really is. I got my last date at work - being a rude cow to my boss in front of one of his business buddies made an impression!! LMAO Eh the problem is I really don't have any single friends. The single people I know, I would not trust any farther than I could throw them.
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2012 16:47:16 GMT -5
It occurs to me that I should not be sharing a lot of this I've written about here with potential dates. It probably gives the wrong impression.
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Post by MOLEY on May 4, 2012 17:24:34 GMT -5
Yeah, I was gonna say whatever happedned to my "Mundanity" thread?
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Post by The Mad Hatter on May 4, 2012 17:45:42 GMT -5
We used to milk 'gators. They don't give much milk at all.
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2012 18:13:35 GMT -5
Yeah, I was gonna say whatever happedned to my "Mundanity" thread? Well if I've done something to piss you off I'm sorry. Because I'm not sure where this is coming from.
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