Musical Jokes

[StormInateacup]

Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb
A: One. He holds the light bulb and expects the entire room to revolve around him.

Q: Why is a vocalist like a bad flat mate?
A: He always comes in late and he can never find the right key.

Q: How do you know when the stage is level?
A Your bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Q: What did the guitarist do when he was told to turn on his amp?
A: He caressed it softly and told it that it was beautiful.

Q: What do you call those pathetic types who hang around with musicians?
A: Bass Players.

Son: "Daddy, I want to grow up and be in a band."
Father: "Be realistic, you can't have it both ways. "

Q: Why don't drummers ever catch a cold?
A: Even a virus has some standards.

Q: What did the bass player get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.

Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a mutual fund?
A: The Fund will eventually mature and make some money.

Q: How do you make a drummer's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Q: Why are there bass solos?
A: They give the the audience time to get to the bar.

Q: What do you throw your drummer if he's drowning?
A: His kit.

[bigwillybear]

bass player walks into a shop and says " I'll have a set of Ernie ball super slinkies, 4 medium picks, a copy of Bassplayer Today and a guitar lead."

The shop keeper says "Your a bassplayer !"

bassplayer says " How did you know"

shop keeper says " This is a Chinese Takeway "

[philipkduck]

Thomas Beecham to cellist not making an effort in rehearsal: madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you do is scratch it.

Bagpipe music is very fine in the right place - outdoors and miles away.

Moley has only ever been unfaithful to Penfold once - with the London Philharmonic Orchestra.

[StormInateacup]

Apr 11, 2012 7:34:32 GMT -5 @philipkduck said:

Thomas Beecham to cellist not making an effort in rehearsal: madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you do is scratch it.

LMAO.

[philipkduck]

Ronnie Scott : It's easy to make a million running a jazz club. Start with two million.

You may know that Philip Dick was a classical music nut, but probably not that he was also an accomplished viola player. He formed a trio with cellist Yo Yo Ma and violinist Josef Suk. They were the only classical act ever to be banned by the BBC. Possibly because of their name - the Suk Ma Dick Trio.

[StormInateacup]

Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.

Q. How do you know if a bagpipe band is at your front door?
A. No one knows when to come in.


Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Tom: "Hey, Buddy. How late does the bagpipe band play?"
Buddy: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."

Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?
A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you, get off of my cloud!", while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

[StormInateacup]

Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?
A: About 10 pounds.

Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?
A: When the other tenors notice.

Ever hear the one about the tenor who was so off-key that even the other tenors could tell?

Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to do it, and five to say, "It's too high for him."

[StormInateacup]

Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."