Post by StormInateacup on Jul 24, 2012 12:51:03 GMT -5
They tend to give exam answers like this:
English:
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
I hope these came from the same kid. The mind boggles that two GCSE papers could have delivered such gems.
Mathematics:
Ancient History:
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
Medieval European History:
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
(Pretty sure this one failed English and all.)
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
^^I'm hoping that one is apocryphal, but having once run a homework help centre, I'm not so sure.
American History:
Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
Religious Studies:
Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
Science:
Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
Philosophy:
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
They may well, however have a rosy future in sketch comedy.
I was inspired to post this after recalling for my own kids earlier this day (yesterday?) a moment of great inauspiciousness in my Year 8 English class at my terribly downmarket public housing estate high school, when the teacher, introducing us to Shakespeare asked "Has anyone heard of his most famous play, Romeo and Juliet?"
Only two of us put up our hands - myself and a cute young blonde lad upon who I had been crushing quite badly for some months, named Colin Drummond.
Bored unto death of hearing my voice I am sure, she hopefully asked Colin
"What do you know about Romeo and Juliet Colin?
And he replied
"Miss isn't it the one where some sheila commits suicide by jumpin' off a balcony?"
After leaving school I again ran into Colin. In the Long Bay Gaol Education Centre, whilst teaching literacy. I utterly disobeyed every rule of working in gaols and asked him, aghast "What are you doing here?"
To which he replied
"Nine years for armed rob."
He really was one of the nicer lads I went to school with.
S'Ok peeps - give us your best (worst) exam and homework answers. Esp fascinated to hear the story behind them if they've come from close to home.
English:
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
I hope these came from the same kid. The mind boggles that two GCSE papers could have delivered such gems.
Mathematics:
Ancient History:
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
Medieval European History:
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
(Pretty sure this one failed English and all.)
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
^^I'm hoping that one is apocryphal, but having once run a homework help centre, I'm not so sure.
American History:
Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
Religious Studies:
Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
Science:
Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
Philosophy:
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
They may well, however have a rosy future in sketch comedy.
I was inspired to post this after recalling for my own kids earlier this day (yesterday?) a moment of great inauspiciousness in my Year 8 English class at my terribly downmarket public housing estate high school, when the teacher, introducing us to Shakespeare asked "Has anyone heard of his most famous play, Romeo and Juliet?"
Only two of us put up our hands - myself and a cute young blonde lad upon who I had been crushing quite badly for some months, named Colin Drummond.
Bored unto death of hearing my voice I am sure, she hopefully asked Colin
"What do you know about Romeo and Juliet Colin?
And he replied
"Miss isn't it the one where some sheila commits suicide by jumpin' off a balcony?"
After leaving school I again ran into Colin. In the Long Bay Gaol Education Centre, whilst teaching literacy. I utterly disobeyed every rule of working in gaols and asked him, aghast "What are you doing here?"
To which he replied
"Nine years for armed rob."
He really was one of the nicer lads I went to school with.
S'Ok peeps - give us your best (worst) exam and homework answers. Esp fascinated to hear the story behind them if they've come from close to home.
