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Post by Random Panther on May 13, 2012 15:56:38 GMT -5
Hahahahaha. I am glad, it prevented me from going sane. I'm going to do an Amazon on you.... People who liked The Whistling Mountain also bought Lionel Ritchie And His Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. ...also the AA map of Milne. |
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Post by The Mad Hatter on May 13, 2012 17:00:47 GMT -5
Fuckers.
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Post by philipkduck on May 13, 2012 17:16:37 GMT -5
I'm going to do an Amazon on you.... People who liked The Whistling Mountain also bought Lionel Ritchie And His Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. ...also the AA map of Milne. That's a new one on me. I didn't know AA did maps. I know drunk people get lost but I am surprised they can read maps. |
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frogma
Student Of Verbosity(Lvl 1-2)
Resident Christian Hooker
Posts: 11
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Post by frogma on May 14, 2012 12:00:22 GMT -5
 I never worked in a bookstore (that sounds lovely though) but I did work in a pet store. I had a woman come in shopping for a doggie door. I forget the breed of her dog, but it was one of the larger ones. I showed her a door, and she said, annoyed, that a small man could fit through and get into her house if he wanted, and asked if I could show her one that her (100 lb-ish) dog could fit through, but not a person. I showed her just one size smaller, and she said her dog couldn't fit through that tiny thing. She started getting really bitchy with me, completely incensed we didn't have this magic dog-only door. I finally told her Pestmart had what she was looking for.
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Post by StormInateacup on May 14, 2012 12:06:18 GMT -5
 I worked in one of the last Independent bookshops in Western Sydney. We hated the corporate opposition up the road who opened up with the intention of driving us out of business and who undercut us on all the best sellers and took a good 20% off our turnover by doing so. We used to send all the rudest and most fuckwitted of our customers to them with just the same line. "Oh go as Angus and Robertson - they can get anything for you."
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Post by philipkduck on May 14, 2012 12:54:48 GMT -5
Customer : Do you have any books on careers. I want to give my daughter some inspiration.
Bookseller : Is she applying for University ?
Customer : Oh no, not yet. Here she is.
(A four year old girl appears.)
Customer : You talk to the nice lady, I'm off to find you a book about how to become a doctor or a scientist.
(She walks off to the Careers section.)
Bookseller : What's your name ?
Girl : Sophie.
Bookseller : And what do you want to be when you grow up Sophie ?
Girl : A bumblebee.
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Post by Tofu DeBeast on May 14, 2012 13:07:25 GMT -5
Customer : Do you have any books on careers. I want to give my daughter some inspiration. Bookseller : Is she applying for University ? Customer : Oh no, not yet. Here she is. (A four year old girl appears.) Customer : You talk to the nice lady, I'm off to find you a book about how to become a doctor or a scientist. (She walks off to the Careers section.) Bookseller : What's your name ? Girl : Sophie. Bookseller : And what do you want to be when you grow up Sophie ? Girl : A bumblebee. A bumblebee, eh? Terrible career choice, that. Hope you steered here somewhere more sensible such as hotel management or insurance adjusting. And tell her that that ice cream cone is going straight to her thighs, too. |
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Post by MOLEY on May 14, 2012 13:15:03 GMT -5
Hello I'd like a book of Poetry please .........hello SHOP!
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Post by StormInateacup on May 14, 2012 13:26:34 GMT -5
Ok. Now we have been quite negative enough Dir Duck. I've just been sitting here trying to think of more stories of rudeness and stupidity and things which mar one's faith in the gene pool. The freaky D&D dude who used to come into my shop and trap me in corners, with a wild amphetamine charged energy begin trying to recruit me into his isolated fantasy world - drawing me into his group. The professional shoplifter from hell - the guy who only ever took OUP, CUP, Penguin and Penguin Classics titles - so you know - all the good stuff. He could whip them off the shelf in an instant and take every title by a single author like DH Lawrence or Gerald Durrell before we even knew he'd left the shop. The $250 Tattoo Art book which was stolen so often, several times right out of our hands as we showed it to some biker, that we finally gave up and placed a cover on the counter and said in a sign "You need to ask for this book. It must be purchased before you may touch a copy of it."But you know as well as I do that we met dozens and hundreds more of the other kind of bookshop customer. The little old lady who had been a school teacher and who knew more about poetry than an Oxford Don. The jazz fiend who ordered the most amazing biographies and sheet music and waxed lyrical to me about musicians long dead whom I may never otherwise have known of. The little boys and girls who came in weekly with pocket money looking for me to show them which door to the imagination they might be able to open next. Helping them discover Dr Seuss, Beatrix Potter, Morris Sendak and Lewis Carroll. Eyes wide with pleasure and excitement. Full of their impressions of the last great tome I had recommended and so eager to get through the next, so trusting of me not to lead them astray that they were already reading as they walked out of the shop. The dirty bits in the bodice rippers we used to read to one another with character voices and sound effects as we leaned on the counter when traffic was slow. The book reps who gave us tickets to book launches and invites to publisher's do's where we even occasionally got to do something madly fun and out of our league. I once got blathered with Kathy Lette and Geoffrey Roberston at a Penguin Christmas function in The Rocks in Sydney - they're both lovely. She liked my earrings. He's an inveterate flirt. That's how we began to talk. And the best part of all - come on and tell me honestly - after this many decades in the trade - when was the last time you thought to yourself "Blimey - I've got nothing to bloody READ!" Come on - don't settle too far into the "cranky old bastard" role you've written yourself into. you enjoyed it - you know you did. Unless you happen to have a great gift as an artist or a writer or a musician, you know as well as I do that the booktrade is THE best ever way to make a living - patchy and impoverished though that living may be!!  |
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Post by philipkduck on May 14, 2012 14:09:08 GMT -5
Come on - don't settle too far into the "cranky old bastard" role you've written yourself into. you enjoyed it - you know you did. Yeah right. A few of the stallholders on the South Bank were watching an old Jewish couple going round, slowly amassing armfuls of books. Some expensive art books too, and something from everyone's stall. Trouble was, someone had put out an "All Books On This Table £1" table. I just about saw it coming. Others were most disappointed. The couple handed over the exact money too - £24 for twenty four books. Disbelief. Several of the books were priced at more than that. "Oh, we thought they were all £1." ..."On This Table " dur. Never underestimate the stupidity of the intelligentsia. The market is right by the Thames. I have thrown books into the water to put an end to persistent bargainers who thought they were in the bloody Casbah or somewhere. I keep a healthy distance from the general public nowadays, and only supply the stall for someone who employs others to do the selling. Haven't been there for some years. When I was last there it struck me that more people went by every two minutes than go past my house in a year. And 90% of them are dickheads. |
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Post by StormInateacup on May 14, 2012 14:33:58 GMT -5
Come on - don't settle too far into the "cranky old bastard" role you've written yourself into. you enjoyed it - you know you did. Yeah right. A few of the stallholders on the South Bank were watching an old Jewish couple going round, slowly amassing armfuls of books. Some expensive art books too, and something from everyone's stall. Trouble was, someone had put out an "All Books On This Table £1" table. I just about saw it coming. Others were most disappointed. The couple handed over the exact money too - £24 for twenty four books. Disbelief. Several of the books were priced at more than that. "Oh, we thought they were all £1." ..."On This Table " dur. Never underestimate the stupidity of the intelligentsia. The market is right by the Thames. I have thrown books into the water to put an end to persistent bargainers who thought they were in the bloody Casbah or somewhere. I keep a healthy distance from the general public nowadays, and only supply the stall for someone who employs others to do the selling. Haven't been there for some years. When I was last there it struck me that more people went by every two minutes than go past my house in a year. And 90% of them are dickheads.  Sir Duck - On a good day!  |
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