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Post by philipkduck on May 13, 2012 14:43:59 GMT -5
I did something a secondhand bookseller should never do. I bought a new book. In a shop. For the full price. It was about the stupid things customers say in bookshops. Here are some examples :
I read a book in the 60s. I don’t remember the author or the title. But it was green and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean ?
I just wanted to ask : did Anne Frank ever write a sequel ?
Do you have any crime books involving speeding fines ?
Customer : Do you have a copy of 1986 ? Bookseller : 1986 ? Customer : Yeah, Orwell ? Bookseller : Oh, 1984. Customer : No, I’m sure it’s 1986. I’ve always remembered it because it was the year when I was born.
Customer : You know they say that if you give thousand monkeys typewriters, then eventually they’d churn out really good writing ? Bookseller : Yes. Customer : Well, do you have any books by those monkeys ?
If my daughter wants to buy books from the teenage section, does she have to show ID ? It was her 13th birthday this weekend. I can show you pictures of the cake. You can count the candles.
Customer to friend : What’s this Literary Criticism section ? Is it where they put the books that complain about other books ?
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Post by The Mad Hatter on May 13, 2012 14:46:27 GMT -5
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Post by StormInateacup on May 13, 2012 14:55:15 GMT -5
I worked in a bookshop or two in my time. I love the colour ones...glad to know that crosses national boundaries. "My sister is reading a book and I don't know who writ it or what it's about but it's yella - do you have that? It's only new. I thought you'd know which one it was." I several times suggested we colour code the whole fecking shop - green up the back yellow on the left, blue to the right and red ones down the front...go for your life. Or. "My niece is 12. What book would she like?" "Well - that depends - what interests does she have?" "I don't know. You're the bookseller. Don't you know what 12 year old girls read?"
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Post by StormInateacup on May 13, 2012 14:56:59 GMT -5
But my all time favourite, asked several times most days was: "Excuse me - do you have a book here?"
"Well you'll need to be more specific - we have several different ones."
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Post by philipkduck on May 13, 2012 15:02:57 GMT -5
But my all time favourite, asked several times most days was: "Excuse me - do you have a book here?" "Well you'll need to be more specific - we have several different ones." When I did a stall people would often ask - as if they had unmasked me as a complete fraud, and that they were the first to ask the question : Have you read all of these books ?
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Post by StormInateacup on May 13, 2012 15:08:26 GMT -5
But my all time favourite, asked several times most days was: "Excuse me - do you have a book here?" "Well you'll need to be more specific - we have several different ones." When I did a stall people would often ask - as if they had unmasked me as a complete fraud, and that they were the first to ask the question : Have you read all of these books ? OMFG - Cretins really ARE the same the world over aren't they?
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Post by StormInateacup on May 13, 2012 15:13:37 GMT -5
"Do you have this book?" " No I'm sorry it's out of print." "Well can you order it for me?"
"No I am sorry. It's out of print. the publisher hasn't printed any since (some distant year) " "Will Dymocks have it? " "Not unless they've had a copy in the back room for a decade. It's out of print."
"Well if you wont want to sell it to me I'll go to Dymocks and they will."
"Off you go them sunshine. I'm sure they'll be as pissed off by you as I am happy to help you out."
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Post by philipkduck on May 13, 2012 15:21:48 GMT -5
Some more :
Doesn’t it bother you being surrounded by books all day ? I think I’d be paranoid the were going to jump off the shelves and kill me.
Customer : Do you have any books by Stefan Browning ? Bookseller : I don’t know him. What has he written ? Customer : I don’t know if he’s written anything. You see, my name’s Stefan Browning, and I always go into bookshops to see if anyone with that name has written a book.... Because then I can carry it around with me and tell everyone I’ve had a novel published, and everyone will think I am really cool.
Do you have a copy of Atonement ? But not the film cover please. Keira Knightley’s neck makes me want to punch things.
Customer : Do you have any books with passages suitable for reading at a funeral ? Bookseller : Perhaps. I’ll help you look.... And I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Customer : Oh, don’t worry. It’s just my daughter’s guinea pig.
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Post by The Mad Hatter on May 13, 2012 15:23:24 GMT -5
For quite a while I would always ask booksellers about a book that I couldn't remember the name or author of, I would describe it as a youth book about a special mountain full of marmots. I had read the book as a kid.
Finally one day a bookseller said, "Oh, you mean The Whistling Mountain." She was correct.
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Post by philipkduck on May 13, 2012 15:33:53 GMT -5
For quite a while I would always ask booksellers about a book that I couldn't remember the name or author of, I would describe it as a youth book about a special mountain full of marmots. I had read the book as a kid. Finally one day a bookseller said, "Oh, you mean The Whistling Mountain." She was correct. Once in a blue moon .... Stories like that restore your faith in human nature. I used to love those rare occasions when I could help someone like that. It's what started me bookselling. Not that I like books especially - I used to sell any old crap - but I liked the buzz around books and the kind of people who bought them. That was before i served my time at the South Bank book market in London and discovered the mind-numbing stupidity of the intelligentsia. (Actually you are a legendary figure in the book world. We used to call you the Whistling Mountain Man. Then someone broke ranks and told you.)
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Post by The Mad Hatter on May 13, 2012 15:37:58 GMT -5
Hahahahaha.
I am glad, it prevented me from going sane.
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Post by philipkduck on May 13, 2012 15:44:22 GMT -5
Hahahahaha. I am glad, it prevented me from going sane. I'm going to do an Amazon on you.... People who liked The Whistling Mountain also bought Lionel Ritchie And His Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis.
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Post by StormInateacup on May 13, 2012 15:45:48 GMT -5
Stuart Wagstaff was an old time TV personality here. He was English but emigrated in the 1950's. He was playing Frankenfurter the Narrator 1 in The Rocky Horror Show Revival at the Capitol Theatre near one shop I worked in He would come in three of four times a week browsing the Entertainment section. It slowly dawned on us that he was looking for a particular thing - himself in print. He could be relied upon to buy any book in which his name appeared - even if only in a footnote. He never purchased anything else - just books that mentioned him. If the coverage was fairly extensive he would buy several copies and explained to us he gave them to younger performers so they realised who he was and how golden was his pedigree in theatre. I came to put them aside for him - And to source ones which had references to him in them from the publishers Reps who called. He loved me....and I made a shitload of commission out of him. He was a creepy little man though. Errata: Sorry , I'm awfully stoned
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Post by Random Panther on May 13, 2012 15:52:08 GMT -5
It seems idiocy isn't limited to customers
Overheard in Eason's
"Do you have Clive James's autobiography?" asked a customer.
"I don't know," answered the assistant. "Who's it by?"
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Post by StormInateacup on May 13, 2012 15:55:51 GMT -5
It seems idiocy isn't limited to customers Overheard in Eason's "Do you have Clive James's autobiography?" asked a customer. "I don't know," answered the assistant. "Who's it by?"
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